I’m delighted to be a guest on Choices today, the blog of a wonderful writer and dear friend, Madeline Sharples. Madeline challenged me to write a guest post giving readers the low down on writing memoir.
Whenever someone says she is writing a memoir I smile and think, “You poor deluded creature!” Please allow me to explain.
I was that poor deluded creature myself when I set out to write a book about the life and death of my 19-year-old daughter back in 1993. Ten years later, my illusions in tatters, I handed in the manuscript of Swimming with Maya.
I literally felt I had experienced ten years of hard labor – yes, the birth pangs kind – the day I put the book in the mail to my editor. My mentor Ellen Bass had warned, “You will work yourself down to dust.” She was right.
I had poured my life, my grief, my love for my children, many of my most intimate secrets and worst mistakes as a parent and a human being onto the page for all to see. I’ve never done anything I loved or dreaded more.
Writing memoir is like the repetitive bad dream of going to an important business meeting naked. You have to strip yourself bare and do it so artfully no one can sense your fear.
What every memoir writer should know? Only write one if you absolutely, positively have to and keep these points in mind:
Never, ever do it for glory or money – This goes for all writing, but especially memoir. To make money writing memoir you either have to be Bill Clinton or a celebrity who’s been to the Betty Ford Center. Everyone says memoir is “hot.” Translation: the market is flooded and your heartfelt pages will be up against thousands of other books. If, however, you have a compelling story and you tell it really well, you will have the satisfaction of bringing inspiration to readers.
Read great memoirs – If you don’t read memoirs, why would you write one? Read the greats, not just the current crop of writers. Read Vivian Gornick’s Fierce Attachments and Ann Patchett’s Truth and Beauty, throw in Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama and The Color of Water by James McBride, and don’t forget Rebecca Solnit’s A Field Guide to Getting Lost and Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. In other words, read the classics by the writers who have blazed the trail for the rest of us. And don’t neglect great novels and poetry.
Take at least three classes in creative nonfiction – Lots of people can tell you how to leverage Facebook or Twitter to create a “platform;” far fewer can teach the art of writing narrative nonfiction. Seek them out. Hopefully, they’ve published at least one memoir and are possibly teaching at a school with a great writing program. Some excellent teachers offer classes privately. Creative Nonfiction, the leading journal of narrative nonfiction, offers a mentoring program at https://www.creativenonfiction.org/
Start or join a writing group – Writers need readers. As John Rember writes in MFA in a Box, writing is like personal archeology. You must keep digger deeper, find the nuggets, and refine them. Having supportive yet critical readers will help you do this. Two-thirds of what ultimately became Swimming with Maya would never have been written without the feedback and support of my writing group.
Learn about the business of writing – I took courses in proposal writing and marketing and went to hear agents and publishers speak at conferences. Go talk to your local bookstore owner about what is selling and why. Remaining naive or uninformed about the business of being an author will come back to bite you.
Let go – Once you’ve written and rewritten countless times, and had your book professionally designed, edited, and copyedited, and, if you are very lucky and persistent, it will be published. At that point, you must let go. You won’t be able to control how readers or critics respond to those words you sweated over for years. You must toughen up and learn not to take the maniac on Amazon who tells the world you are a selfish person, a bad mother, and a terrible writer personally. She is having a very bad day.
Please enter to win a copy of Swimming with Maya by leaving a comment. Thank you, Madeline, for hosting me on Choices!
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I’m commenting because I love how generous with time and advice you are. If Maya can see you from time to time from the other side of the fence I know she is smiling with pride at her Mom’s beautiful heartfelt tribute to her.
Love your writing.
Xo Laurie Cassidy
Laurie,
A big part of my motivation in being a writer is to be generous in as many dimensions as possible. Often, I wish I was less time pressed, but I never wish to stop reaching back to my readers when they reach out to me. Someone recently suggested a form letter. I was horrified. Never! Maya and I are very proud of each other and smiling at one another a lot these days.
xo
Eleanor
And that ‘s the way life lives.
I admire your strength and your uniqueness . Keep on keeping on!!
Take care
Xo Laurie
Thank you for these comments. I can identify with many of them, but as my memoir isn’t yet finished, I am sure the rest will sound familiar to me at the end of my journey. A memoir is a labour of love but bloody hard work as you say. I will keep going for myself, because I enjoy the labour and because one day I want to be able to give birth to a polished and finished product. Then I will try to launch my baby to the world and hope the world wants to see it. Thanks for the advise and the knowledge that I am not alone. FT
It is, indeed, a labor of love. You are definitely not alone. Best wishes with the journey.